ou have likely heard some iteration of how you need to surround yourself with people on the same mission as you. In your younger years, “boring adults” used it to help you find the right friends. In adulthood, the idea has been painfully overused to the point that it has no meaning.
So why do you need to find people on the same mission as you?
You really are who you surround yourself with.
Missions within your life can change, and probably will. Don’t be afraid of change. The bigger the change, the bigger the results. Your tribe is your support system (and tips to find your tribe).
You Are Who You Surround Yourself With
Have you ever heard the phrase “guilty by association”? This wasn’t a lame saying to keep you out of trouble. It goes much deeper than that.
Simply put, you pick up the habits of those you’re around most. Like attracts like. If you’re not alike in the beginning, give it time. You will be.
This goes along with the idea of becoming what you think about most. If your mind is always on success in a given endeavor, it will be much easier to accomplish it. On the other hand, if you’re constantly thinking about how difficult it is, you will make excuses as to why you can’t do it.
I can’t express enough the importance of finding your tribe! And don’t think you won’t be wrong about your true mission along the way.
Your Mission, Should You Choose to Accept It
For years, my mission revolved around fitness. Personally, I was obsessed with everything fitness.
I was a strength and conditioning coach and competed in Olympic weightlifting and powerlifting. From elementary school through college, I was on any number of sports teams.
Competition was life. I wanted to be better at everything. Bigger, stronger, faster. And I wanted the same for my clients.
My “tribe” kept me focused on my goals because they had similar ones. When I was on my University’s track team, I surrounded myself with the best athletes on the team. In my weightlifting days, I surrounded myself with high level athletes and coaches, along with slo-mo technique videos.
I prioritized fitness to a fault. My training sessions took priority over EVERYTHING – including socializing. Including my girlfriend (now wife). Looking back, it’s embarrassing to admit. Though, those days are behind me.
Your Mission Can Change – In Fact, It Probably Will!
As you mature, your likes and dislikes will change. Your goals will (hopefully) change. Your circle of friends will inevitably change, as well.
The nostalgia of how things were in the past might make you miss certain people or events. However, you left it in your past for a reason.
Just because you once had a certain perspective doesn’t mean that’s the only way you can ever see things. Don’t keep doing something just because that’s what you’ve always done. Change can be great!
People still come to me for fitness advice, but that doesn’t mean I should obsess over it again. Friends make jokes about how weak I am now compared to my days in competition. The truth is, I’ve never felt stronger!
Overcoming an unhealthy obsession takes more strength than sticking with it out of fear of change. Don’t let others be the reason you are afraid to make important changes. If they judge you, maybe they don’t deserve a place in your life. Harsh, but true.
Big Changes Yield Big Results
In case you’ve missed my backstory, I was an atheist for the majority of my life. Everyone who knew me knew that fact. I posted memes mocking Christianity, made comments comparing the Bible to fairy tales, and even began re-writing the Bible to poke fun at every story.
I’m not saying any of that as a point of pride. In fact, I have a knot in my stomach as I write this. The point is that I made one of the biggest changes one could possibly make.
Let me rephrase that – God lead me to making one of the biggest changes I could possibly make.
My obsession with fitness was replaced with a healthy obsession with Christianity. What that amounts to is having a healthy obsession with love, self-improvement, and helping others.
My new mission has lead to more peace and happiness than I’ve ever experienced. My new tribe is more supportive and loving than I could have ever imagined.
While having friends and family on the same mission as you is great, it’s even better to have that quality in a spouse.
Your Tribe is Who You Spend the Most Time With
Luckily for me, my wife and I are on the same mission. Well, it’s not really luck at all. She has been on this mission for a while, and I have taken my time to catch up.
We each benefit from the other, though. My strengths assist her weaknesses and vice versa. For the sake of consistency, I’ll use the example of fitness again.
Rose was never THAT into fitness. It was a task rather than a necessity. She was never an athlete, instead focusing on academic success. When I tell you that you become who you surround yourself with, it’s no joke.
After Rose and I got married, my obsession with fitness started disappearing. I used to train for about two hours a day, four to six days a week. Little by little, my training sessions dropped off. Then the time of each session followed.
Soon enough, I was finding ways to “maintain” rather than progress. Before long, I lost most of what I worked for 18 years to achieve. I’m not blaming Rose for my new found laziness. I made the choices based on circumstance. Deadlifting 600 pounds was no longer my mission. Being able to move without pain while playing with my future children was.
A New Mission Emerges
Long story short, Rose and I fell off the fitness/nutrition train together. We kept falling farther and farther. Never in my life would I have imagined being where we are now – in the “New Year, New Me” crowd.
The old me would have gagged at the thought of it. As a trainer, I couldn’t stand the lack of motivation to take care of your own body. Now, I’m seeing things from the other side.
The other side isn’t so bad. For Rose and I, it’s a new way to hold each other accountable. We workout together in the morning, which gives us more time together. We’re on an important mission together and motivating each other along the way.
You can look at the negatives: Rose and I fell off track.
You can look at the positives: Rose and I motivate each other to accomplish the mission, which is bringing us closer together.
Wrapping It All Up
Suffice it to say, you need to keep your eye on the prize. Humans are a very social animal. With that in mind, it’s easy to understand that surrounding yourself with like-minded people will make your mission a success.
A few tips to get yourself in the right tribe:
- Rid yourself of toxic relationships. You may have called them your best friend for the past decade, but perhaps being stuck in your past is preventing you from having a fulfilling future.
- If you’re the smartest person in the room, you need to find a new room. Replace “smartest” with “best”, “most talented”, “most driven”, “most motivated”, or any other term that may fit your goals. The point is, you need to find people who will keep you accountable and help you succeed as much as you help them.
- Don’t be afraid of change! It was hard to find a way to tell certain friends and family that I am no longer atheist, but instead am living my life for God. I was afraid of disappointing them. Or hurting them. Or making them question who I was. I can’t express the difficulty in words. But often, the most difficult conversations are the ones you need most. They grow you into a better person. That couldn’t be more true in my case, and I’m almost certain it is in yours, as well. Have the courage to overcome your fears, especially if that means taking a step toward your goals. You’ll be relieved you did.
- Ditch anything that’s inconsistent with your goal. Ask yourself “Is this helping me or hurting me?” If it’s the former, keep it. If it’s the latter, ditch it. Just be sure you’re not confused about what’s helpful vs hurtful. To do that, see the next point.
- Ask yourself if what you’re doing is worth your thought or action. Consider if it is noble, admirable, or praiseworthy. If it is, it’s something you should be focusing on. If not, let it go.
Share Your Success Story!
I hope this helped you find your tribe and accomplish your mission! Leave a comment below with your success story!
By Chris Rivera from January 8th, 2020